Printer Izaya
by Yoiteshat
Summary: Izaya is hit with vending machine and possesses a printer...
1. Chapter 1

Printer Izaya

It was hard to say whether or not Shizuo had gotten better aim, Izaya had gotten worse, or if it was something closer to fate. It did not really matter in the end because no matter which factor changed the end was the same. He was hit by a vending machine.

It surprised everyone. The parkuoring, switchblade-wielding Information broker had been taken down a vending machine and the wary audience had expected such a thing to never happen, even if they wished for it. Kida thanked whatever could hear him that he had been there to witness it. Mikado was shocked, Anri stood with her usual demeanor. Though their reaction or Shizuo's isn't the important thing.

The important thing was that Izaya's soul was mobile. Yes, the Izaya Orihara had a soul. The biggest surprise of the day that no one really knew since it couldn't be seen. The people were not an option for housing his loose soul because there was already a soul occupying them, that left inanimate objects and rather it was fortunate or not someone was holding a brand new printer that accepted his soul, probably the only thing that would ever accept him willing. Izaya was a printer, not fully aware yet of exactly what had happened due to the impact of vending machine to his body that scrambled his thoughts. It was easy to predict once he had gathered himself he would not be pleased to discover he was a printer.


	2. Chapter 2

Hiroko was thrilled that she had gotten a new printer, sadly it was the one that was now holding the infamous information broker's soul. She pushed through the crowd. Vending machines went flying just about everyday, so she didn't see a reason to stop and look at another. She pushed her way through the shocked crowd to get to her lonely apartment.

After unlocking the door she entered the small place. She turned on the lights then began the process of setting up and installing her brand new printer. She had just put in paper when it began to print?

Staring blanking, she watched as the printer ate away three whole sheets of paper without having been connected to anything. Hiroko glanced around as if someone else could have witnessed the eerie and slightly terrifying phenomenon, except she lived alone. With a hesitant hand she picked up the sheets and skimmed them.

For the most part it was cursing something or someone… she wasn't quite clear but something about a stupid protozoan and monster. Also creeping lamenting about missing "my" humans. She stared at the sheets glanced at the printer and wondered whether or not she had kept the receipt.


	3. Chapter 3

The receipt was already in the trash buried. Hiroko decided it wasn't worth digging out. It was strange but at least it was sort of working, even if it wasn't attached to anything when it had. She turned it off caught a few programs, did math homework, then went to bed. The thoughts of the printer not invading her dreams in the least.

Izaya was highly displeased as he tried to piece exactly what had happened together. He recalled the impact of the vending machine could still somewhat sense the pain it had caused to his body, which brought him to his next worry. Was he actually dead? If he were he'd be even more pissed and not just because there was only a small amount of things he could do currently. Being a printer for a normal high school girl wouldn't get him even a fourth of the information he was used to being up to date with.

The printer turned back on. It whirled as if getting ready to print and again some of his thoughts were inked onto the page. Hoping the girl might just be easily enough manipulated to obey a possessed print.


	4. Chapter 4

Hiroko yawned and stretched. Another day with a bright start until she discovered the printer had used up every single page. The pages were messy, some had pictures of a bleach blonde in a bartender suit, Shizuo Heiwajima; he was recognizable. There were more about humans and how they would be missing "Him"? Hiroko cocked her head. She looked to her print. There was no way she could afford an exorcism on her budget, not if she wanted a balanced diet anyway.

The printer rumbled back to life again. Sounding as if it were laughing, manically laughing. The printer was downright insane. Unconsciously she took a step back away from the possessed printer. It was unnerving, beyond words, the shivers she felt even after the printer went eerily silent.

"Maybe I should turn it off…?" She mused, though she didn't move forward, she moved back. Who could blame her? Her printer was nightmare inducing even as it sat silently in front of her, paperless.

It made more noise, as if annoyed.

Being brave she stepped closer and closer, reaching out her finger to the power button. It hovered hesitantly above it and before her fingertip brushed the plastic her printer made a noise that was as close to a hiss as a printer could get.

"You don't wanna be turned off?"

More electronic shuffling of the ink.

She pulled her hand back to her side, dazed. "I am talking to my printer…"


	5. Chapter 5

Before Hiroko could come to terms with the fact she was conversing with a printer she caught sight of a clock. "Oh, crap! School."

She rushed to get ready. Changing into uniform, shoving homework into her school bag, crumpling the pages, during the rush she tripped and she swore the printer laughed again. Ignoring what she might have heard, she rushed to the kitchen and grabbed the easiest thing to eat on the go. Out the door. The last thing that was heard from her was the key in the lock.

Hiroko left her bored printer all alone and without paper. It could only grumble electronically as he wished he could ramble like he used to about humans the way he could just a day ago. She had reestablished that love like most tended to do when he wasn't caught up in his more supernatural plans. Izaya did hope she'd become a bit more entertaining, even if her reaction to conversing with him, as a printer, wasn't what one would deem a normal reaction.

Izaya went back to laughing until it was suddenly caught off. He was bored. He had no knowledge that he could use to piece together what had happened to his body and it irked him. The only thing he could do was curse that protozoan, for it couldn't have been his fault, that he had been hit by that damn vending machine. Even if he had survived, other than just the fact his soul had attached itself to a printer, it would be in a dreadful state.

Izaya hummed. The ink was getting low.


	6. Chapter 6

The printer hummed as Izaya thought. No that he had calmed down more and had more or less accepted his predicament he had decided not to waste any more ink. It freaked the girl out, sort of, and if she was too busy trying to rid his soul from a printer he couldn't use her to his advantage of finding out the story.

Izaya waited and waited attempting to move to the wall's wiring via the plug in. the printer's plastic held him tight though keeping him in place. There was no chance he could get anywhere more use full like possessing a computer or cell phone. Either of those two would have been more entertaining, especially a cell phone then he could go out side and observe his lovely humans. That would work well if the girl he was with used her phone enough to be considered an addiction for that would cut back on pocket time.

Hiroko came back. Her hair was a mess and she looked tired as if she'd run back to her lonely apartment. "So, Mr. Printer. I think I found out something interesting at school today." She huffed through catching her breath.

Izaya perked up at the news. Intrigued by the words and the fact she so easily greeted a printer like it was a family member or a friend.


	7. Chapter 7

Hiroko beamed at the printer. "Very interesting news. I bet even a printer has heard of Izaya Orihara and Shizuo Heiwajima. They're all over the place. I overheard two classmates talking about their most recent fight." The printer hummed to let her know he was listening. She paused, trying to figure out where she had left off. "Ah, right. Well there was the whole vending machine thing. Maybe it's a fetish of some sort."

Izaya tried to manically laugh as much as a printer could. It was a weird jittering sound that lasted only long enough for him to realize it lacked his charismatic and eerie charm. This was leading to the information he really wanted if he had a face he'd be smirking.

"Yeah, so Kida and Mikado were talking about it and, editing out all of the muttered 'bastard Izayas' and what not. He was hit by a vending machine, Mr. Printer! The interesting part though is that no ambulance came but the Rider did. No one knows what happened to his body afterwards. There are plenty of rumors, such as people thinking he has pulled a Houdini act or that he was just taken to the morgue."

She listened to the steady hum of the printer in thought, an oddly soothing sound. Blissfully unaware that she'd been talking to 'bastard Izaya". The bastard in question was debating on the chances of being in a coma-like state or if his lovely body had already died. The latter was his least favorite choice. Death was too final and being a printer sucked, especially when ink ran low.

A choppy page printed out with a simple noted because that was all that was needed to be done and could be.

Hello \(^_^)/

You may call me Kanra~

Almost anything would be better than Mr. Printer. For that was a dreadful reminder of his circumstances.


	8. Chapter 8

Hiroko lifted up the paper and stared at it. "Kanra? But then I can't call you Mr. Printer anymore…"

Another page came out.

Anyway~ Could you pretty please replace the ink~?

I'd hate to have our communication die (O_O)

She read the message then beamed. "Right! I can turn you on and off! Even if I continued to call you Mr. Printer, you couldn't do a thing to me."

Izaya feel silent for a pause before another barely able to read page dispensed itself.

But I'm Kanra T-T

Not Mr. Printer

Ink please~

Hiroko bit her lip. She had bought additional ink and there was more paper…but judging from how much this "Kanra" had already wasted it was obvious why she would want to figure out if more money would be wasted in sheets of, to her, was utter, nonsensical ramblings.

"Well, Mr. Print- er, Kanra I suppose if you promise not to waste so much." The printer hummed, as if promising just that. There was not enough ink for any more legible notes. "Fine. Since you promised." She huffed.

Izaya had the printer do a soft chuckle like noise as she disappeared to look for the replacement ink. His mood had considerably brightened.


	9. Chapter 9

Izaya was bored. All he had were the memories of his late night, early morning, daybreak, and every other time of the day trolling to keep him occupied. Hiroko was in the other room asleep, being a terrible host to her uninvited guest.

A huff from the printer and Izaya gave up trying to move into wall via the surge protector the printer was getting energy from. He still had a weird tingling sensation waving through his soul that he couldn't discern whether or not it should be worry him. It lingered for far too long and in the process his thoughts went to unpleasant places. His reputation. It was tarnished by a vending machine and if- no when he got his body back that vending machine brand will have wished they had gone into the stuff toy business.

The printer hummed and Hiroko shifted in her sleep. Then Izaya recalled her phone was charging using the very same surge protector. An eerie grin would have been present if he had his face to reveal such an expression; instead there was a low, eerie emitted sound from the printer. If he could possess a printer why not a mobile device? He'd much rather be a phone.

He'd no longer be a printer

2) Hiroko could no longer call him Mr. Printer

3) Its mobile.

4) Better chance at seeing his humans. They must be lonely.

5) No worries about low ink or paper

And then, very important, number 6) He would no longer be a printer.

More soft humming came from the printer as he waited patiently for the tingling from his first escape attempt to come to a complete halt. Once his soul was more at peace… he'd go for it.


	10. Chapter 10

Hiroko awoke with a start as a song she did not recognize rang through her small apartment. It took her a moment to realize it was coming from the other room. The other room being where her phone was and the possessed printer. It took another moment for Hiroko to glance at her clock and discover it was only five in the morning, a time she thought more suitable for going to bed rather than getting out of it.

Shaking her head to wake up properly, she pushed back the covers and got out of bed. Her brow creased as she glared at the next text on her charged phone. The music continuous and oddly catchy. She flicked opened her phone ceasing the music that she now recognized as "Ponponpon" by Kyary Pamyu Pamyu.

"Kanra?" She tilted her head at the name of sender. There was but one person or rather thing that went by that. Her eyes shifted to the silent, suddenly ominous printer.

Her finger hit "okay" and the message was blazing on the screen in front of her.

Morning~ (^_^)

Isn't this great?

Mobility!

Now, we can really get to know each other~ ***o***

"Ehhh?"

The song restarted as another new message was delivered. Automatically, her finger hit the "okay" button.

You're so mean! T-T

Hiroko~

Her phone hit the ground. It would be a while before she acknowledged she had a phone again, despite the resounding song she knew she hadn't had on her phone previous. She hoped that soul had the money for the phone bill.


	11. Chapter 11

"_PONPON way way way PONPON way PON way PONPON way way PONPONPON way way PON way PON way way"_

Hiroko fell out of her chair to the stunned silence her phone had created. Rushing from the floor she moved to her knees and extracted the red device from her bag turning off the sound.

She bowed. "I'm so sorry. My phone must've turned itself on."

There was a collected laugh form the class that brought red to her cheeks. The teacher coughed. "Well, it's off now… Get back to work."

She straightened herself only to bow once more. "Yes, sir."

Hiroko slid back into her seat before sinking. She should have left it at home. She should have stomped on it for the excuse to get a new one. She should have gotten that exorcist. She should have exchanged her printer for one that wasn't possessed; the place did have a money back guarantee. It was too late. The phone would be stuck with her. Kanra was not going to stop messaging her. There was no option but to keep it. She was sure if she tried to get rid it-if she tried. It would get worse…

The bell rang for break. She opened her phone seeing that the message was indeed from Kanra.

I'm sooo bored T-T

Your bags no fun

Not wanting to look weird for talking to her electronic communication device she texted back.

Don't go getting me in trouble

The reply was too fast but the phone remained silent for the moment.

But boreddd :

Can't we have some fun~ :D

Hiroko~

Hiroko glanced around the room, hoping she didn't look weirdly suspicious or crazy.

Later.

She waited for the reply. It took a few moments before her screen filled with the new message.

I'll be good until then~

Have fun at school~

I'll just busy myself ^-^

No harm~

Why did Hiroko feel that there was a threat in those words?


	12. Chapter 12

Izaya kept the promise. He didn't want to piss off the phone owner and be chucked into water or stomped on. Stomping was only fun when you weren't the phone. He needed to text Shinra and convince him that he was the person he had known since middle school and that had also been a member of the Biology Club with him.

It was a good thing he had a good memory or else he would be screwed as he thought up the perfect opening text. No matter what he was to text it would sound crazy and would take a couple of texts to convince him. Then again it was Shinra. He had always lived in his own world.

It would be easier if he had a… Hiroko had a body. If one could move from a printer to a cell phone why not a cell phone to body? Human possession happened all the time. That would be better: a face-to-face talk with his only friend. The phone would've sounded off a victory cheer of applause had he not been on silent mode. A mode he now loathed in all aspects of technology.

He could hear the school bell ringing. He could hop places soon. It was just a matter of her waiting for a phone call or setting up a phone call for her to take. Simple. Very simple.

It would work. He was Izaya Orihara; therefore it had to.


	13. Chapter 13

Shinra had just been jabbed in the gut for another of his characteristic lovey-dovey comments to Celty, when it was apparent there was someone at the door. Not having expected anyone to interrupt his alone time with his love a brief frown found him before he went to the door.

He opened it to discover a girl with a Raira school uniform, black hair cut in a bob style, and dark eyes, staring at him with a smirk eerily similar to someone he met in middle school. She even wore a hoodie that had fur around the hood a hand was thrust into one of the pockets. With confidence they strode into the space between him and the doorframe spinning around on a heel having shoved her other arm into the other pocket. The smirk widened. "Hello there Shinra~. Been awhile hasn't it? Over a week or so I would wage but whatever more important things to be dealt with."

"Hmmm… you seem really familiar. Doesn't she Celty my honey?" Shinra asked looking more intrigued than anything else. He studied the uninvited guest as Celty came over even though her smoky neck was revealed.

The guest glanced over at her with something that could be described as a bored. A shrug followed. "… It would be hard to immediately recognize a friend. I'll give you that, shall I?"

"Friend…?" Shinra repeated as a PDA was shoved under his nose. "Izaya?

"…Of course. Now about what about the last time I was fully myself…."


	14. Chapter 14

The girl possessed by Izaya was sitting on the couch. Leg crossed, an elbow resting on the back of the couch the other fanned out. "Enough of the pleasantries. More convenient as possession is I know I can't continue it for much longer."

"How does it feel to be in someone else's body? Or to be just a soul? That sounds sooo fascinating." Shinra walked over to Izaya leaning in and invading personal space. "Where have you been, Izaya?"

Izaya looked unpleased. "Technically I'm Hiroko right now. I would think. But to the point, what happened after the vending machine?"

"…Oh." Shinra straightened and glanced over to Celty. "Shizuo won that one. Sorry for your loss." There was an uncomfortable laugh. "Both losses, in fact. You missed your funeral."

"My-" he had started to get up but relaxed again trying not to show his true emotions, as per usual. "My poor lovely humans. What will they ever do without my actual, physical presence?" He paused turning a partial glare to the underground doctor. "For being a friend you don't seem to distraught over my untimely demise."

A PDA was placed in front of him. His narrowed farther. [We were truly sad when we learned you were dead, Izaya.]

"I suppose a thank you is in for that. " On to the feet. "I'll be back."

"Going so soon? I was just thinking of great things for science."

"Down right shame. I'm going to leave before I am forced back to where I have been for the last day."

"Where have you been?"

There was just a smirk before the door was opened and their uninvited guest left. They would have to be more prepared the next time.

Izaya made it back to the girl's apartment before his soul was forced back to the compact phone the he had placed to his ear as if waiting for a response from another. That was an exhausting experience. Hiroko chocked in fear, as she was able to move her own body once more. She stared at the phone that had hit the ground at her feet during her freak out. Maybe she really _did _need that exorcist…


	15. Chapter 15

Hiroko sat in class. She had no phone with her. She had left it at home.

So she thought….

She would have no recollection of Izaya possessing her earlier and slipping the cell phone into a pocket of her bag that she rarely used. The pocket that she often forgot about was where it now rested and when _Candy Candy _went of she was the one that jumped the most. It's location brought, she was certain, all the blood to her face.

Finally, as the teacher scolded her and was telling her to stand in the hallway, she got it to be silent.

She was more than ready to call an exorcist. Not only was this "Kanra" a fan of Kyary Pamyu Pamyu, which wasn't the problem, except when it blasted out during class, but that she now had several hours of yesterday and today that she could not account for. It forced her to shiver in the quiet hallway of the school.

Once she was allowed to retake her spot at her desk she could not concentrate on anything other than her bag. She tried and tried. Her eyes would always wander to the bag. The exact pocket where she put the phone in and her hand would cease to take the needed notes. She had to dump the phone, except that would require coming up with an excuse to her parents. They would not appreciate an expensive lost phone since her parents lacked in the belief of the supernatural.

The exorcist! That was the only solution.

~A~

Izaya stayed in the phone. Quiet after his musical outburst. There was much to ponder other than embarrassing this slightly amusing human during class. The thing that kept coming back to the front of his mind bringing him a metaphorical frown was that he was dead. Well, his body was dead and he was now a tool for communication. He was not a tool. If anything he would be the worker forcing the tools to do his bidding, yet there he still was, despite the glory he knew he had, still as a phone.

It was easy to calculate what Hiroko would do soon. Too easy and too easy still to prevent it. He waited for the bell. The final bell signiling the freedom to go home before he sent the text for her to read.

**I know this can be scary**

**But don't worry Hiroko**

**It can get worse. **

**It would be best to **

**Keep away from Exorcists.**

**3 Kanra~ 3**

Hiroko's hand shook as the phone snapped back closed and her phone radiated an eerie smugness. She needed a Plan C or F or even Z just as long as it got this phone away from her.

~A~A~A~A~

A/N

Well, First off thank you for all the reviews, those favorites, and the alerts. Each made my day. And if I get more I'm sure I would still be just as pleased. Not that you have to… well any way. THANK YOU SO MUCH. Sorry if that is too much but… well… eh. I don't know quite what else to say. ~Yoiteshat.


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